(several shots of protestors having their banners taken away by large men in black coats)
Peter Jennings: Ordinary Americans gathered in Washington today to exercise what remains of their first amendment rights. They tried to let the president know what the mood is in the country, but the president rudely kept talking over them.
Dan Rather: After all of the controversy surrounding this network, we remain committed to the cherished principle of a free press in a democratic society. That is why I am as excited as Aunt Harriet with fresh bouquet of lilies on Easter morning to report that the Al-Jazeera news network will be broadcasting the president's speech today throughout the Middle East.
(a montage of Osama bin Laden, 9-year-old boys firing guns in the air, Adolf Hitler pounding a podium, and the World Trade Center collapsing)
Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf: Pig-dog crusader George W. Bush, leader of the Great White Satan, spent 40 million dollars today feasting on the blood of noble Palestinian martyred babies as part of a Zionist plot to humiliate our heroic Arab youth.
Chris Matthews: HERE TO COMMENT ON THE NEOCON PLOT BOILING OVER IN THE PRESIDENT'S SPEECH TODAY WE TURN FOR THE 64th STRAIGHT WEEK IN A ROW TO PAT CADDELL JOHN McCAIN AND RON REAGAN JR. PAT HOW ARE THE NEOCONS CONTROLLING THE PRESIDENT: THROUGH HYPNOSIS OR IS IT AN IMPLANTED CHIP?
(a montage of American flags and pink-cheeked babies sitting on the shoulders of their parents who smile and look proud)
Shepard Smith: Real American George W. Bush showed extraordinary leadership today by swearing to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States. He now begins four more years of spreading a banner of God-given freedom across this great land and around the globe.
Larry King: Our guest tonight is Paris Hilton. Paris, you look great. Did you catch the president's speech today? Neither did I. Haven't seen one since Gerry Ford in '76. So your show is called "The Simple Life." You know I like the simple things in life. I like vanilla ice cream.
Paris: That's hot.